Holy Reverend Wright! I’m having a bi-poll-er meltdown! Republicans are red, Democrats are blue, the stakes are high and anxiety is too! One state, two states, three states, four, if Florida’s not blue, I’ll throw myself on the floor! When I close my eyes I see dead people and electoral maps! I’m having Hannity insanity! It’s giving me McBrain damage! A tisket, a tasket, a blue and red basket-case! Now take a nap so you can stay up late tonight!
If you are reading this and you are still undecided then you are an idiot! Sorry. And if you are one of those people that are refusing to even get out and vote, I can only pray that your heart of stone turns to flesh, your taxes go up and your teenage daughter has a pregnancy scare! Maybe then you’ll care enough to vote! If you believe that the state of the union is in good condition, the country is in a good place, and the earth is flat, vote Republican. If you can see that the Country is in serious trouble and on the verge of bankruptcy and you would still like to inherit something from your Parents, then vote Democrat.
Now, to something seriously funny. Dick Cheney has come out of his undisclosed tomb and endorsed John McCain! Yes folks, the Crypt-keeper is delighted to support John McCain and is not afraid of some Mavericks shaking up Washington!
Which brings me to my recipe of the day: Panic Attack pizza! Screw it! You’re too excited to actually make dinner! First, take a deep breath and any meds you may be on. (now’s not the time to miss a dose) Next, depending on which way the results are coming in, call 911 or your favorite local pizzaria. Order a pie with half plain cheese (you might as well feed your kids tonight) and half with the works! Hell, throw in an order of wings while your at it! It’s gonna be a long night! Open up a frosty diet coke (now’s no time to start drinking, you have lots of math and geography to do). Plop yourself on the couch and have your husband tuck you in because you will be sleeping there.
Good night, and good luck! God bless America!