Can you say wardrobe malfunction? Oops! So that’s what campaign contributions are for these days? Clothes shopping at Sacks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus?  Where do I fill out my campaign launch papers? I definitely don’t have the qualifications for Vice President so I obviously qualify.  As soon as Key West gets that ice skating rink there will be no stopping me! Nothing says hockey Mom like designer clothing and a personal shopper! I wonder how Joe the sucker feels about this? The McCain camp is now claiming that the clothes were “borrowed” and will be given to charity after the election. Can I get the location of the Good Will those clothes are going to? Talk about a find! Can you imagine? Walking into the Good Will store and finding Sarah Palins campaign wardrobe?  Valentino, Escada, Gucci! Some lucky town is going to have the best dressed homeless people in the Country! Now THAT’S “spreading the wealth”!

Spread: To distribute.  Wealth: An abundance of money or funds.  “Spread the wealth”: To distribute funds or monies to those persons who are without abundance. In a nutshell, if ya ain’t got it, ya can’t spread it! Can you hear me loud and clear?! Poor people can’t spread their wealth because they don’t have any! Can’t all you “Joe the suckers” get that through your thick plungers? The reason McCain doesn’t want to “spread the wealth” is because HE will have to share HIS piece of the pie! You see people, everything McCain says has a double-secret-hidden meaning.  You have to decode it.  Here is the decryption formula:  Take a statement such as,  ” Senator Obama wants to raise taxes.”  Add, the TRUTH onto the end of the sentence, “for people who make over $250,000 a year.  Then multiply by pi to get the mathematical answer as to who McCain is trying to protect from paying fair taxes, which would be his “cronies” in the top one percent income bracket of 3.12 billion dollars per year. If you multiply 3.12 billion by the number of “cronies” you will get just enough money for a fantastic “bail-out” package which will automatically be deposited into your Swiss bank account.

Which brings me to my recipe of the day: Un-American Red Hot Caramel Apple Pie!

Peel. core & slice 2 pounds of either Rome, Fuji or any other foreign sounding apples in a large bowl.  Toss with 1/4 cup Yuzu Japanese lemon juice.  Add 1/2 cup Muscovado sugar from Barbados, 1 teaspoon Tahitian vanilla and 2 tablespoons of any type of “white supremest” flour.  Add 1/3 cup imported cinnamon red hot candies.  Pour apple mixture into pre-made pie crust. (If you are pro-America you probably make your own dough).  Stuff the finest caramel candies you can afford, preferably French Fleur de Sal into pockets throughout the pie (approximately 10 pieces).  Top with 2nd pie crust with a cookie cut-out of a gun or bible in the middle.  (It’s all about presentation).  Bake at 350 degrees for 2 hours.  Cool and serve at your next press conference or anti-American hate-rally with fresh whipped creme slightly sweetened. Be sure to wear that expensive red-hot number “on loan” from Neiman’s!

Next weeks recipe: Joe Biden’s “Big mouth sloppy Joe’s”